Questioning the System

Today I am experiencing emotions that don't feel good. I am afraid, unsure, angry, dissatisfied, with a side of self-contempt. This was all brought on by the book I am reading. The reason I decided to blog about it is because I caught myself searching out the thoughts of others--not by directly contacting them, but by reading various passages and anecdotes they had written--and I realized this is some heavy stuff that I need to own.

These emotions that don't feel good are not necessarily negative ones that need to be chased away like an unwelcome coyote. They serve a purpose, even in today's fast-paced, logic-driven life. My emotions are trying to reconcile something and I need to disallow my mind--my logic--from trying to justify, create false projections or realities, or ignore the flaws that my emotions have honed in on and want me to respond to.

So, I am doing a writing exercise. The first question I need to ask myself is "Why do I feel this way?" or "What is the offender?" I will not publicly share that one, but I have identified it. Now, what do I need to do to satisfy the emotions so I feel back in balance? What boundaries do I need to set?

Okay, here is where I have arrived at:
#1 I do not need to be a Parelli Professional. I can be myself, just like I originally wanted. I do not need to carry the Parelli brand on a license in order to have validation as a horsewoman or a teacher of the way of the horse. No such laws of the universe are written.

#2 I have had success with my horses, and no one in the history of creation can take from me that truth.

Now that I have said all this, I feel better, though still some lingering feelings that don't feel good. But, progress toward feeling better is underway. I will not try to hide these feelings when I go play with my horse(s). Rather, I will continue to own them and keep them out in the open; I will stay congruent.

Natural Horsewoman Out.

Natural Horsewoman Out.